Terrified

...I am.

In four days’ time, I will give a salute to my sixth semester already.

Frankly, I am not very thrilled.

Yes, the unscathed books and the up-to-the-minute movies can be held accountable to my feeling sluggish. But more than that, I am really scared, because another semester means another pace towards the finish line. Consequently, reaching the finish line means starting a whole, new, different lap – more serious this time, because I should run as fast as I can, otherwise, I will be left behind, I will not survive - the lap, which I prefer to call the real world.

There were times when I was so eager thinking about the future – earning my own money, purchasing stuffs with that money, and learning strategies so that money will never be all wolfed up. This is the first concern – money.

However, a more important matter concerns me – my career. Wah, thoughts speed up my head now, lots of them, and that troubled me more, making it difficult for me to write them all down.

All I know is that, I am neither very smart nor talented. There are a lot of people who write better than I do, way better. So what I need is determination and hard work.

I am not afraid of a number of doors slamming in front of my face. What I am afraid of, is landing a job in a broadsheet, writing obituaries, all my life. I know I can do more than that.

But really, the process, the trail through to it, terrifies me, greatly. I think I need more time to prepare and set myself up.

When I go out, there in the real world, I want to be ready, I want to be sure. So perhaps it is still acceptable to feel terrified.