In UP, you don’t get to see the same faces day after day, sem after sem, year after year. You wouldn’t have constant companions right from the first hour up till the end hour of your class. Class after class, you deal with different people.
The harder part of all is coming into a class of diverse people; especially if it’s a GE class wherein every college and course, and every classification is represented. This is a challenge I have never come to wrestle.
When I was a freshman, I was very much intimidated to voice my opinions out thinking that those upperclass men knew better. I was extra panicky during exams thinking that I should study harder because those upperclass men were already accustomed with those notorious exams.
Come now, that I am already in my second sem as a junior, yet I still haven’t combat this feeling. I am still reluctant to speak up because of fear that those new freshmen would think how shallow my thoughts are, considering that it is now my third year in UP. I still get flustered before an exam thinking that I shouldn’t have a grade lower than theirs because they might think why I reached this year with a blunt head and an ineffective strategy.
I know, it is just plain paranoia. I never thought of people that way, and so why would they do?
Perhaps, all this time, I am just finding rational and logical excuses not to believe in myself, and ward myself off from exposing what I think I know.
I have this certain pessimism and spinelessness since, God knows when. I need to undress that self.
I’m gonna put that first in my New Year’s Resolution List. I need to say bye-bye to it.
The harder part of all is coming into a class of diverse people; especially if it’s a GE class wherein every college and course, and every classification is represented. This is a challenge I have never come to wrestle.
When I was a freshman, I was very much intimidated to voice my opinions out thinking that those upperclass men knew better. I was extra panicky during exams thinking that I should study harder because those upperclass men were already accustomed with those notorious exams.
Come now, that I am already in my second sem as a junior, yet I still haven’t combat this feeling. I am still reluctant to speak up because of fear that those new freshmen would think how shallow my thoughts are, considering that it is now my third year in UP. I still get flustered before an exam thinking that I shouldn’t have a grade lower than theirs because they might think why I reached this year with a blunt head and an ineffective strategy.
I know, it is just plain paranoia. I never thought of people that way, and so why would they do?
Perhaps, all this time, I am just finding rational and logical excuses not to believe in myself, and ward myself off from exposing what I think I know.
I have this certain pessimism and spinelessness since, God knows when. I need to undress that self.
I’m gonna put that first in my New Year’s Resolution List. I need to say bye-bye to it.
2 comments:
Hey dear,
I've known you as that someone who triumphs over every thing that comes her way. And I have always believed in you, and I have always admired you for that.
*huggggs*
...just want to send you the exact same words...
i also know the feeling... going from one room to another.. no block mates, whatsoever... different people, different opinions... hayy.. well, we're more than half-way through it... i know you're doing well, and you'll do a lot better if you believe you can..
look who's talking?!?!
hehehe
Awwww=) Thanks liana.
*yakaaaaappp*
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