Meeting my Dilemma Head-On

The thought of not being able to graduate on time never dawned on me. Until today.

So I was sitting on my DEVC199 class, the class wherein you are supposed to sort of defend your thesis proposal and eventually, your results, analysis, and interpretation. I was envious of my classmates who already had the itch to start gathering data and all. Though more than being envious, it alarmed me. And checking my Starbucks planner a while ago didn’t help either. I felt something solid and huge crashed me in the face. I rapidly weakened. I am just a month away from the deadline of the first draft of the manuscript!

I know there is no way I can be able to do that. There is no short cut to doing this final requirement to be a holder of a BS degree. Putting into consideration the complexity of my study, I know my expertise on cramming will never work for me. No, not this time.

Thinking of the many friends I have here who are a sem or two delayed almost calmed me. Almost. But in the end, panic won over me.

Mom, Dad...

They weren’t able to give me all the subjects I needed. And there were no available slots anymore.

I want to take extra courses. Perhaps, a language course. French? Spanish? Japanese? Or all three of them. It will extend my options. There will be more job opportunities for me.

They requested that I do further research on my study. They said it is a good one and they may be able to use the results.

I already gathered preliminary data from my respondents but when I went back to conduct the interviews, they changed their minds and turned me down. Then I had to start from scratch, make a new proposal.

My adviser flew abroad and won’t be coming back before the sem ends. I have no choice, I will have to wait until next sem.

Oh God, I can never put up with any of these lies. I can never cover up my negligence and irresponsibility. The guilt will be too heavy to endure.

The faults are all on me. I spent most of my time slacking off. I never consulted my adviser. The next thing I knew, I had barely one month to accomplish everything and I hadn’t even polished my proposal yet. I hadn’t replaced my theoretical framework. I hadn’t contacted my possible respondents. Concisely and briefly, I wasn’t really exerting effort at all. Not even an attempt.

No. I am never slipping these words off my mouth. Not in this lifetime, at least. Disappointing them is the last thing that I can stand doing to them. I know it is not as severe as confessing that I am two-months pregnant, but it is still shattering. Never have I felt pressure from them, when it comes to school. I guess, all along, they are confident that I would do great like I always did then. Attacking them with these words will be too difficult for them to absorb.

Extending one’s stay in the university is never a big deal. I have no statistics in hand to prove this. But my confidence level is high when I say that more than one-fourth of the population here does not have the chance to march for the very last time, on his supposedly graduation day, with his supposedly batch mates. This is not a very bad thing. It does not make someone less intelligent and less deserving. It does not make him less of a person.

The same goes with my case. I can accept that. I know it does not mean that I am not clever enough and I am not worthy enough. I know well that my parents will understand. They will be upset for a while, but they will understand. I know that they won’t question me, even. But what I can never live with, is denying them of doing something every parent dreams of – to march with his child, full of pride, on his Graduation Day.(And no, marching on April 2010 is never, ever an option)


So what do you say I should do? Well, yeah. I should pull up my butt now and start working.


Ugh! I know it is way easier said than done.

Enough, just do it, idiot!