I'm a Proud Ukay-era!

Each person should have a specialty. Each person must be good in one field, at the least. Or whatever, that is what everyone in this planet assumes.

In my eighteen years (and more) of wandering, I haven’t discerned that one thing I’m good at, that one thing I do best.

Unluckily, I cannot sing.
Unluckily, I cannot play an instrument.
Unluckily, I cannot paint, or even draw.
Unluckily, I cannot act.
Unluckily, I can never be tall and skinny. Thus, I cannot do the catwalk.
Unluckily, I cannot speak other languages other than Filipino and English (and Taglish).
Unluckily, I didn’t drink Promil and I was never one of those kids who can answer 562567 x 256736 in ten seconds, who can enumerate all the countries in the world and their capitals. (In short, I am never a dead kid)

I dance, but my skill isn’t borderless.
I write, but I’m a mediocre.
I play sports, but I can never be lined up with the real athletes.

Shame on me.

I have no mastery on anything.

That is what I thought.

Not until I opened my dressers this morning and found these. Now I know my expertise, and I’m proud of it. Few are blessed with the skill of finding pretty collections in the ukay-ukay. Haha! No kidding. My mom, sister, and aunt even ask me to find clothes for them. And I get so much praises for that.

Below are few of the many best ukay finds in my closets.

My sister often borrows this white blazer. It looks very glamorous but casual when worn with jeans and a long tube inside.

Look at the strap - it's twisted.

This is perfect when paired with skinny jeans

or tights. I like the color - very spring-y.

Originally, there were no sequins on the straps.

I just put them. Now I can wear them anytime

of the day. and night.

My mom put those two huge huge buttons but I

think it's better without them. I bought it because

of its really nice sides. But you can't see it in the picture.

one of my five maong minis -

four of which were bought in ukay

funky checkered pants


Unfortunately, I cannot wear it anymore. Fortunately,
because the size's too big for me already. Woah!
Haha! Duh! I bought it two years ago.


Ang nice diba? Hehe.

a knitted, whatever, bolero? Look, it's Giordano!

This sequined jacket is one of my favorites.

How I wish I could wear it more often in elbi *sigh*.

and my latest purchase - an A&F hoodie

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This is also one of the perks of living in Tagaytay. You can find ukay-ukay everywhere.

Morning Madness

Every once in a while, an unkind thought (and I truly pray it’d remain a thought) hunts me. No matter how I strive, it wouldn’t resign stalking me.

Now that I’m almost there, I’m having second thoughts whether I should continue walking through the track I took or if I should just go back and choose a whole, new, different path.

I feel that nothing will come off my writing - nothing good and great. Maybe my dream of becoming a writer is a little over the top and it’s unimaginable for me to get hold of it, or even get close to it. Maybe my pieces are merely for my personal growth and not for the whole world to see, to read, and to judge. Maybe I was born to do other things but sadly, not writing.

In less than a month, I will start doing both expert and man-in-the-street interviews, start going to places to get infos and do my researches, and start saying my hellos to heaps of paper works – again, all at the same time.

I’m not really sure if I’m all outfitted to once again encounter teachers who seem to get pleasure in butchering a piece. And no, it’s not an exaggeration. You should see our first drafts slaughtered, worse if also our second drafts.

I resolutely want this. But I’m not convinced if it wants me back as much.

Helpppp!

Daylight Rage

Sometimes, it feels so easy to dislike people.

We were roving around Divisoria last week when we saw a baby, probably a one year old or two, sleeping in a carton along the street, unclothed and unprotected. Why on earth would his parents leave him there? Because they were working their asses off so they’d have something to eat? Well, they should be praying that their son was still breathing when they come back. That is, if they’d come back. Poor child. I felt pity towards the child, and disgust towards his parents. I wish I didn’t see it at all.

It was really hot that day and I could feel the heat of the sun stroking every part of my skin. How could a one minute walk cost a twenty pesos pedicab ride. I understand how the world is trampled for these people. And I am lucky I don’t have to lug that kind of load. But, I don’t think that would give justice to what they do, and to what they ask for what they do. (We rode the pedicab anyway. Hehe)

For one reason, we also went to Quiapo that same day. We were inside the building and we took the escalator. A Chinese woman kind of pushed me so she could walk through it. She’s probably a businesswoman (well, what else do those Chinese do here?) and I understand that every second of their time counts. But they are real insensible and numb. She should’ve used the stairs instead.

These pictures have been playing in my head since then. They are in despair we all know, but I still can’t help but feel detestation on them.

Am I being shallow?

P.S.

Dear Brain

I take everything I said back. You do not need to wait until Thursday to feed yourself with whatever you deisre.

I do not know how you do it. But sometimes you just have your way of saving me. Just when I thought you've turned your back on me, you twist things downside up.

When I learned that I was in the exemption list, I thought about you more than anything else. How about an early treat? Haha! Oh well, we did it! And that is what matters.

I just can't believe it yet. Thank you partner.


Your Owner - who is oh so done with ranting.

Hate Notes

Dear Brain

Why did you betray your poor owner?

What was happening to you when I needed you the most? I want to hate you now. You gave in to the distractions and I caught you in slumber a few times. I was trying my hardest to shake you off, but oh man, I could not ooze anything out from you. I had high hope that you would help me ace that exam. But after you failed to function, the chance of being exempted from the fearsome STAT1 Finals is no longer in my hands.

It is always the case so. The last days before being liberated from papers, exams, and gobs of whatever kind of requirement one could think of, you get so fevered about the thought of white sand beach and fruit shakes. You start to rebel by allowing sloth to set in. You tend to forget about doing what should be done, and think about missed tv series instead.

But then, it is never late to make it up to your owner, you know. I will take that finals on Thursday and please be patient enough to absorb whatever silly things I try to drop in. And be quick to release them when I need them already. So you see, if you think they are inane, let me just put them in for a short time, and by the time I need them, secrete them and never allow them to flow inside you again.

So please, cooperate ok? Don't go nuts. In a few days, you will be drowned in books you've been dying to read, and you will catch up with movies you've missed, or you can just snooze all you want. Just promise to do you work. Deal?

Your Owner

***

Dear Poor, Crazy, Lazy Owner

Honestly, you are not just fugly and fat. You are also crazy and lazy. It is quite not fair that I am the one blamed here. Oh, I take that back, it is totally unfair. You were doing nothing, just bumming around. Then you stuffed me up on the last minutes. Holy cow! You attempted to fill me up with your three long sheets of formulas, and expected me to memorize them in an hour. What were you thinking, crazy?! You know that my left side is a little bigger than the other. You should have not trusted me that much, dear.

Have you thought of how unbelievably abused and misused I am? And how you sometimes use me for the wrong reasons? Think about it! Yes, I sometimes shift to other thoughts – more fun and amusing. But I understand that school cannot be insignificant. And I still try my best. Even if most of the time, you do not.

So learn how to use me properly. And I will be faithful to you.

I will not malfunction on Thursday. Only if you guarantee to take me out to see the sunshine after everything is done. Deal?

Your Brain

Hey Big Brother, I'm Back!

The more we know, the more we reject Him. The smarter we get, the more we neglect Him.

Why?

Perhaps because we fail to accept that there are things men cannot potentially do. We fail to accept that there is Someone Superior than anything else and anyone else. We become so full of ourselves and believe that we rank first.

When I entered college, I was appalled of how people in the outside (and real) world are. I was not surprised of their (and our) varied grassroots, and multifaceted way of life. I was anticipating and preparing myself for it since then. What I was not geared up for is the actuality that people have different, and most of the time, opposite beliefs about the Supreme Being. Some are even atheists, and agnostics. Yes, I have met some professors who are, and they would not allow students to talk about their faith. Their argument is, everybody should be sensitive of the reality that our beliefs may have an inverse relationship. I would accept their statement as valid. But there are also professors who are such that would try to influence students, whether explicitly or implicitly and students would, subconsciously or not, experience perplexity.

In all honesty, even my faith was challenged. Since I started schooling, I went to private sectorian schools. But when I studied in UP, wherein I had a taste of what the real world is, it's all different. People came to challenge me, to test my faith, to make me believe that what I believe in is nothing but pure state of the mind, and pushed me into the cognitive content of their own.

For a time, my faith reached its lowest point. I ignored and denied Him many times, not because I listened to them. My faith was never weakened by those who questioned it. All along, my faith was there but there was a feeling of unworthiness. My interaction with Him was in a halt because there were times when I chose other things over Him. But He never gave up on making me see how forgiving He truly is.

The biggest difference is, now, more than innate, faith becomes a choice.

And I choose to strengthen my faith. I choose to worship and communicate with Him again. Because everything I am, and everything I have now, I owe it to Big Brothr Up Stairs!

Alive

[This entry is late already]

I received another wonderful birthday gift two days after. A best friend came over and made my day.

I am the one who used to have grand plans to surprise others, but I guess this is my lucky year. I remember saying how I hate being surprised, that I just want to be doing the surprises. But I have proven that it is partly a fallacy. Partly – because you could not still appreciate it from someone you dislike. I am positive the same goes for others.

On her fifteenth birthday, I showed up without prior notice. Four years later, she went all the way down to elbi and made me feel as if the day was an extension of my birthday. Proof of how our friendship grows old with our age.

Upon Cathy's surprise visit, I was able to do a sort of self-assessment. I came up with two important conclusions about myself:

One: I'd rather have few close friends who genuinely know me, and things related even if we don't speak to and see each other more often...than a bunch who calls in the middle of the night to have someone to share their beers with but does not know me in the deepest sense.

Two: I have come to love ELBI as much as where I grew up. Despite my crazy pattern of shopping and wanting of things superficial, things that extract posh and class, I still yearn for simplicity. I may fancy Havaianas, Starbucks, or anything in Ayala Malls, but in next to no time, I will stop craving for these things (perhaps not as much as I do now, really), and choose the happy yet simple life.

After all, I know myself. I am shallow. Material things may be making me happy at times. But people I love -like good friends- are those who constantly make me alive.

Candle Factory

I was not feeling, even a smudge of thrill, days before my birthday. I was playing the whole i-dread-that-i-am-getting-older drama. The fact that I am now in my last ~teen year is scary. I’m getting close to experiencing the quarter-life crisis. I missed the days when everything was just really uncomplicated, when my life was always trouble-free. Turning a year older was putting me off perhaps because I knew how many times in my life I have been irresponsible. And it kind of shook me whether I can still reach something I’ve always wanted – that by the way I am not sure of. But anyway, that is what I WAS feeling. I felt birthday blues creeping in.

But as my big day was drawing closer, delight brimmed over my body overlying all the negative feelings. The feeling of being remembered by people I love and I care for, and even by people who just became a part of my life for the slightest time was unparalleled. But along with this, I felt a little bit of guilt because I couldn’t even remember theirs, or worse, I chose not to remember. And I am sincerely sorry. Friends and families, you know who you are. But you also know that I’ve always cared.

I thank everyone who granted a minute to greet me and wish me with just pure birthday bliss.

And I especially thank the people I was with yesterday. Though it was my first time to spend my birthday away from home, you were a family to me last night - and for always actually. Kathy, Bene…thank you.



Bene, thank you for the sweet surprise (and Kathy, for helping out). You are responsible for doing things in which I realize how much I am loved…every single day, all over again. And last night was in fact the first time I felt proud with a bouquet of beautiful flowers in my hands. I had always preferred not to be seen in public with that sight thinking people would tease me, even just in their heads. Hehe. But last night, it felt so right.

Thank you everyone.

And thanks to God Almighty for giving me another year to live to love.



PS. I’m a wibbly wobbly these days. So to all those who are waiting for a clean, good, fun celebration, better be free by the end of the month.=)


A funny message from a good friend thousands of miles away…

'papunta ako ng market kanina tas bigla akong may nakitang Candle Factory na nasusunog... hinde na nasave ng mga bumbero at ng mga workers yung factory kaya kumanta na lang sila ng "HAPPY BIRTHDAY" nung natapos na sila sinigaw ko "Pinky Parra"... hehehe... Happy Birthday pepay... :D' [Niel John]

Haha! Happy Birthday to ME!

It'll be fine if after a decade or so, I will never be a lawyer, or a writer, or a professor...

All I want is
a loving and a faithful husband who prepares me breakfast in bed during weekends,
a charming son who does not feel mortified when kissed by his momma in front of his basketball team,
a sweet daughter who gives cards on special days, and
a cute baby who smiles whenever I check him on the crib.

It'll be fine if after a decade or so, I will never be a lawyer, or a writer, or a professor...
But I'll be the best wife and mother in the world.

I'm a cheeseball! Haha.