It's her heart, I carry.

I watched In Her Shoes for like, the fifth (?) round. It’s not usual that I watch a movie over and over again, even if it’s a favorite. Possibly, way back when there was minimal access to the latest flicks, and when there was not yet a so-many-in-one pirated DVDs outbreak.

But, save this one. I feel an urge to slouch in the cot and get my DVD wrapped with Cameron’s faces every so often.

Maybe because at some point, I feel like I am Maggie Feller (Cameron Diaz). So that makes my sister the Rosie Feller (Toni Collette).

I am no dumb. I would never be caught going through drawers after drawers to mooch some cash or worse, positioning myself for sex with a stranger in the bathroom. Oh please.

BUT, I have a great sister. That makes us comparable.

I have an intelligent sister who’s all about being responsible, all the time. She always nails it. She is way up there. And like Rosie, she has found her one true love and was able to marry him even if she was experiencing a mid-life crisis then. Though not so so-Rosie, my sister’s not a loser. She looks good (and hot) in a corporate suit and stilettos.

I have a great deal of praises to my one and only sister. I want to be like her and I’m pretty sure I can, or even get in her doorstep. Besides, I don’t have a defect like Maggie (She is dyslexic.) Though if I continue slacking for the next years or so, then, I might as well turn to be one unemployed little horror too.

So anyway, more than those similarities I and my sister have with the Fellers, the most significant is the special link that we have.

I and my sister have an out of the ordinary connection. Despite the age gap and her rare stopovers at our house, we remain tight. I always envied sisters who get to spend every single day with each other even if it means dealing with mood swings and stealing things from each other (which I and ate still do, haha) day after day. I always wish we could be like them.

Still, I am happy.

No matter how infrequent, it feels so good that we still share a chuckle or two.

And we still irritate each other - over a pretty pair of shoes.

“I carry your heart. I carry it in my heart” (ee cummings)

my sister with her first child

Pinky Has Been Tagged

share 8 things that your readers don’t know about you.

Then at the end you tag 8 other bloggers to keep the fun going.
– Each blogger must post these rules first.
– Each blogger starts with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
– Bloggers that are tagged need to write on their own blog
about their eight things and post these rules.
– At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged
and list their names.
– Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.

1. I honestly think LIZARDS are the ugliest creature. I hate cockroaches too, but not as much as I hate lizards. I can’t put myself to sleep when I see one in my ceiling. I always think it’s gonna fall and will be glued to my skin and can never be detached anymore.

I stayed in a convent-like when I was a freshman. We had a communal bathroom there and I used to take a bath for not more than 15 minutes. The culprit: at least 3 lizards watching me naked. Eew.

2. I feel extra beautiful when I wear my pretty, little undies. I don’t know why. It’s not like I reveal them or whatever. Well I guess it gives justice to what we say being beautiful is in the inside. Lol. And so, I wear them during the day and save my biggie, lola panties at night.

3. I never had any contact with my so-called first boyfriend. He wasn’t even able to come as close as 2 ft. We never held hands or anything.

4. I have a thing for nose (as in ilong). I think people with pretty noses are beautiful. Weird.

5. I used to text Magic 89.9 when I was first year high school (?) using all cellphone numbers in the house pretending to be different texters. Just to request one song over and over again – Cultured Pearls’ Not This Time. Now I remember, I miss the song.

6. Since I study in UP, I don’t experience wearing the same old uniform everyday. I’m not quite sure if it’s a good thing, but then, I try to take advantage of it.

Within one semester, I don’t wear the same top more than twice. But if it’s a favorite, then try thrice.

7. When I was younger (really younger), I used to pick those small hair in one part of my head. They were irritating. And so, I ended up being hairless on that part. I wore headband all the time to cover it.

8. I am a grammar freak. I’m so not OC, but when it comes to grammar, I am. I wonder where those barok people were during all those years their teachers discussed S-V agreement and sentence structures. So you people cannot actually use the excuse that you are not Communication students.

And I quote my Eng2 teacher, “How can you communicate what you know about engineering or sciences if you cannot even construct a simple sentence?” So those who degrade Communication students, boo-hoo you. (I’m not generalizing though. Not all Com students can do it the right way. And not all not Com students can’t.)

And please, Shift+F7 doesn’t work all the time. Make sure it’s not gonna jump out of the context. PS. I am not perfect, I know. At least I don’t patronize Akon for singing that “nobody wanna see us together, but it don’t matter …” hit.

I tag: Madel, Sam, Lar, Erika, Aimee, Cole, Patty, Karel

And I'm plunging my ego...

Ok. So I admit. I feel bad about everything I said.

And I’m sorry – sincerely sorry.

I just feel for my friend, you know. We all do. And I know she couldn’t do anything more. We just presupposed, and I was being defensive, for everyone.

I’ve been there. I’ve been called a loser by someone who really had the least right to entitle me that way. They were a bunch of bitches who never stopped singing their own praises, and demeaning me. I assumed. I assumed everyone is like that.

Lastly, we never said anything mean about you. Well, not until that entry I wouldn’t even see if no one’s feeling was injured. And I was careless about my entry. And just so you know again, if there's someone who has been the nicest with you all this time. It's her.

I guess I owe you an apology.

And I am sorry.

Yes, let’s just move on with our lives already. And with all honesty, I don’t hold any grudge on you. After all, everyone just wants to be happy.

SIMPSONized

Introducing...

Bene Simpson

Pinky Simpson

simpsonize yourself too:)

My Rainbow After the Rain. (now that's squashy, haha)

I hate Tuesdays. I’m always worn out on Tuesdays. And yesterday was no difference. It was the worst maybe, next to that of last week.

I just had one of those exams that guarantee back-neck-head-butt ache --- an all essay exam worth a hundred points, which lasted for 2 ½ hours. That long, yet I still didn’t have the time to grammar/content-check it. It was an open-notes exam, but the stuffs I had with me gone all useless. I know I did poorly but that little patience that sprung out helped a lot. I hate it when I spend too much time answering exams so I am always one of those who hand the papers first to the teachers and find the way out. But yesterday, I tried hard not to ignore the bonus questions which would cost another 20-minute stay in the room.

I left the room frustrated.

But he was there, waiting for me patiently. In just a second, he sponged the pest away. In just a second.=)

The guy's got a girlfriend now.

I had been away from home for just a week. The next thing I knew, he got himself a girlfriend already. Finally.

The 27 y/o boy, oops, man who spends his salary every month buying cds of wargames and pc accessories has a girlfriend now.

Maybe he’s taking things one at a time. He’s taking baby steps. Ooh. At least he’s starting to think about the future, the future that shall be really close. I hope.

Sooner or later, I wish he’ll move out. I will be glad. Everyone will, surely. It’s not too late to start off.

Besides, he doesn’t look that awful. Haha. No, he’s a heartbreaker.

And man, he’s a photographer.

And by the way, he’s my extremely annoying brother.

And boy, he is a 27y/o guy, who WAS single. Oh, WAS he!

You might as well try to be more humane.

You are unbelievably pathetic.

You are pretty. Oh, let me take that back. Gorgeous, my dear. Perhaps, smart even.

But that doesn’t give you the authority to talk ill of other people. I may not be the best person to lecture on this. I have my own share of hate list too. But never did I cross the line. Never have I corrupted other people. Not at least through my shout-outs and blogs. You know, if there’s someone who should grow up, and get over something, it’s you. Definitely.

I took this risk. Whoever those might be that you were talking about, whether it was us or not, it’s not gonna change how condescending I think of you, we think of you.

And just so you know, we had not a thing against you. I even saw you as someone really admirable. But you triggered the disgust out off us. And now, when I look at your pretty portraits, I think twice. Because you are no more than an arrogant and conceited little person.

A Cup of Coffee. Plus one? For free?

I am one lucky, happy Starbucks customer.

I didn’t know about their promo until this afternoon when my nanay and I went to Starbucks, Tagaytay.

It’s a random selection, said the barista. How cool is that? You’d be surprised when you get a receipt longer than anybody else.

I want to have my free coffee in Paseo de Sta. Rosa with Bene, while few drops of rain pour outside. Nobody said rainy days can never be sweet.=)

I - as a wife and a mom, in a log cabin. Now, that's perfect.

Lately, I’ve been having frequent voyage to the future.

I was thinking of taking a break after graduation. Wow, now I’m talking about graduation, when I’m in the pinnacle of being a college student. Overwhelming. Well, anyway, yes, I was thinking of becoming impossibly lazy for an imprecise period of time after I receive my college diploma. I just wanted to take time to catch up on sleep, travel, read, watch tv, improve my driving – simply put, be an incredible bum, just to compensate all the distress I’m currently experiencing.

Last Monday, (or was it Tuesday, I don’t know), we were in Coffee Blends and all of a sudden, I tossed that thought from my head. Seeing the happily (I assume) married couple, and a vibrant and smart, curly-haired little girl (not their child though), I suddenly wanted to fast forward time and never waste a minute to fulfill my dream of becoming a parent and a wife. As of my career, I think I’m lost.

While he is not the boyfriend yet, I want him to be the man of course.

Being a mom has always been a dream. Although I don’t want to think about the part of really having a baby getting out off me. It’s really scary. I want two kids, a boy and a girl, with not much wide of the age gap. I will raise well-rounded kids – kids who will have piano, martial arts, ballet, or whatever classes they want, kids who will learn writing and reading at a very early age. I want them to grow with values and principles. I want them to be sensitive to the needs of other people and possess affection towards others. I will raise kids who will be faithful to Him.

I will be a loyal wife. I will never lose my interest in him.

And where will we live? I want a log cabin. Before, I wanted a brick-finishing house, like ours. But then, after browsing some magazines, and seeing few real log homes, suddenly I want one also.

Note: Sorry if the pictures became pixelated.

I want a cozy home. And I think yellow lights, glass windows, and white will go together in a log cabin.

Thinking about the future brings an unexplainable feeling of excitement. And it’s a good thing that now, little by little, what I want to do with my life is becoming less blurry.

So this is how the guilt feels.

This is that one thing I’ve been dreading the most – hurting someone who least deserve it, by letting the monster out off me.

One minute I’m lovely – sweet, caring, and gentle- the minute after, I’m horrible – capricious, offensive, and rough.

Why do I keep on unlearning things?

Even I, feel confused with the way I act, with the way I (accidentally) hurt him, with the way I try to ruin our supposedly happy times.

And so suddenly, I just found myself crying out all the guilt inside. So many painful words slipped off my mouth, but I am really guilty inside. But then, the words still lost their balance. Why?

For that I hate myself.

And I hate myself more. Because after every twinge in the heart, and mind (and ego) I caused him, there he was, never allowing me to get out of his tight grip.

Guilty.

I whispered to the wind to sweep away my tears

I found a sure way to fight off wretchedness, or perhaps, at least attack it.

Walking.

Last night, I walked and walked until I was drooping. I did care less about other people, jeepneys, and woofing dogs I passed by, or that passed me by.

I couldn’t say it gave me a feeling of relief but it spoiled the tears that wanted to pour its way down. And it’s so much better. I am finally regaining the ‘me’ I used to be – never a crybaby.

I am still not pleased with what is happening. But at any rate, there’s no need to plaster stinging eyes.