Photographs in Black and White

I decided to pamper myself with a manicure/pedicure before I temporarily leave Elbi (just because it’s much cheaper in there although it looked so steep). The manicurist/pedicurist, considering that all of them have a habit of throwing a lot of questions about you for the sake of talking to you although most of the time they don’t really wait for you to answer because they don’t care at all (woooh), asked me where I am from, whether I have siblings, how old they are, what my parents do. With every answer I was to give, she would say that I am a lucky, really, really lucky kid. It’s unanticipated that: one, she would really wait for what I would tell; two, how she thought I am a lucky kid.

People think I am lucky because I am the youngest among us four. I beg to disagree, and I beg to think the other way around. I have never felt fluky over that fact.

So what if I almost always get what I want? So do my siblings. It has nothing to do with me, being the youngest, but all of us have to work to get what we want. So what if I am almost always the hub of attraction? I never wanted every one to be always setting their eyes on me. Never.

People believe that these premises are, well, sound. They are not, for me.

When I was younger, I had always wanted to have a sister I could share a room with, I could do my homeworks with, and I could animatedly yak about my crushes and all with. I had always wanted a brother that would have my suitors scrutinized in high school, and who would just play as my bodyguard. I am more than grateful to have my siblings as my siblings; but you know, it was rather nice to think that we were really close, by age and space.

I don’t really understand why others do not understand that the youngest is the most inopportune because of the foremost reason that he would have the shortest time spent with his parents. Whenever I watch my parents playing with my nephews, my heart both patch up and break. It has been a pleasure watching my dad baby-talking with them, and cleaning up their gag, thinking how stiff he is with the adults. However, over-thinking and repeating this delightful picture in my head smashes my heart. I think and so much wish that my children will enjoy my parents’ lugging as much as my nephews do, because soon after, they will get older.

Now, I rarely see my bothers and sister. They have their own lives to live now. They have their own lives apart from mine. So, whenever I leaf through our family’s photo albums, I can’t help but be cheerless because I see weekends having picnic, driving to the city, or disappearing to the beach, and I just imagine, if I was born years earlier, then I could be there, in those photographs.